Blog

Combative, Competitive Mindsets in Meetings

Patricia Tuecke
I made a comment today on facebook in response to one my collegue Jo Nelson made about leaders having an unconscious combative mindset. Agreeing, I said  I usually think of it as the competitive mindset that is so pervasive in Western cultures. Most people operate out of this mindset without being aware of it. Or if they are aware, assume it’s just the way it is, particularly if you want to come out on top, or win, in a situation. And, yes, in some it is combative.
It is a manifestation of the fight or flight response that is hard wired into our brain. People are rewarded for “winning the fight.” After facilitating a group meeting or retreat I often hear a comment like, “I can’t believe we accomplished all this without egos getting in the way.” Or a recent one, “you handled those “difficult” people so gracefully.”
I see it from a different perspective; I didn’t “handle” those people. I created a safe meeting environment where people have the possibility to honestly speak their truth, their insight or raise questions without having to verbally fight to be right, have the last word, or defend themselves or their ideas.
Most people have had experiences in discussions where they put forth an idea and had it labeled “ridiculous,” “naive,” jumped on and squashed by another person. After enough of this kind of experience our fight or flight defenses go up as we enter a meeting. Some of the defensive behaviors I’ve seen are
  • grabbing the floor early on and establishing one’s (verbal) turf and expertise loudly and confidently
  • making a tentative comment or asking a question in a very quiet voice that can hardly be heard or even deciding not to participate in the discussion for fear of being verbally jumped on or have their ideas dismissed or ridiculed
  • grabbing the most advantagious seat, a “power” position
  • sitting in the back of a meeting in hopes of being invisible

I’ve certainly used all of the above at one time or another.

Which one have you used?

When participants in a meeting are operating, consiously or unconsciously, out of this mindset, the group misses out on rich, creative ideas and solutions. When skillfully facilitated, people soon learn that those defensive behaviors are not needed. All that kind of energy can be shifted from “it’s me or them” to focus on “what works best for us.” 

What do you think?